today's competition....

i feel damn sad right now.....i feel guilty+sad+sad......today we lost both matches.....for first match against PLMGSS i dun blame myself for losing....well cuze i played against a china player.....she was like piak piak piak.....zooooom....i lose liao.....-.- but i realli damn blame myself for the second match against NAS. the first match yang fan played with all her might and won regina...and leck qi and peggy played well too...i feel i let them down... i played the 2nd singles....i lost 3-1. dammit...shit...fuck...go and die me......the sec4 are graduating this year and its like.....not goin to be able to play wif them anymore....i realli will MISS them ALOT!!! now i think of the future when they haf to step down in march i feel like crying already seriously...now while im typin im also crying....they are the ppl who saw me become from nothing to smth in table tennis. i dun want them to leave...now that we lost...we cant go into the nationals...and the only last match we can play together is against AHS. after that the sec4s will leave us...im very guilty...if i won my match we would haf won!!!!damn. they haf no idea how i wan to win for them...but i dun haf the ability to do so...im really sry....to all the sec4:peggy,leck qi,mei peng,ang yee,brenda....im sry...