OT9 #forever9

 i love you. i trust you. Jessica, if this is what you have decided is best for you, i do not blame you and i support your decision. But i really hope that u r sure with your decision and pray that 1 day u do not regret it.

1 day has passed since the announcement of jessica's departure from SNSD. Departure for what exact reasons? we fans will probably never truly know. Jessica did post the reason for her departure and i trust her but i do not wish to believe that the reason for her departure had smth to do with the other 8 members asking her to choose between her business and the grp. Everyone in this fandom is hurt. Everyone in SNSD is also probably hurt. No one saw this coming. They had just renewed their contracts, who wouldve thought this would happen. I was still waiting for the jungsis subunit, that apparently now announced that is cancelled after being pushed back due to various reasons. On the 29/9 i woke up, the first thing i checked for some reason ystd morning was facebook. And the first thing i saw was the news of jessica's weibo posts and i was immediately shocked. I thought it was just someone who hacked into her a/c but soon i realised it wasnt fake. I literally dont know what im supposed to feel. Like i still cant comprehend that fact and cant accept that fact. Furthermore, out of 9 ppl it had to be my bias. It was a 1/9 chance and i still chose her...i dont regret choosing her though. But now i have to live with the heartache and possibly the fact i may never hear her sing with her 8 other sisters anymore...the stage will be so much more empty...maybe because sch has started and work has helped me keep my mind off the matter and me busy, so the news has not has such a physical effect? I'm hurting internally, i'm internally devastated but i havent cried. I think if it was during the hols, i would be crying at home and be mopping arnd. I am on the verge of crying for losing my favourite member of my favourite group but i have to keep it in otherwise the ppl at my hall would probably think im mad...and have depression or smth. Even if i told them, they wouldnt understand. Only a fan would. A friend asked me ystd whether i was okay. At first i didnt get what she was talking abt but after she said it was abt jessica's matter i typed back "oh. that. im. not. okay" just like that she asks me to chill chill. wtf is there to be chill abt? i was alr very chill abt the matter and that made me even more not chill. Ppl who are not fans will not understand and will think that we are over-reacting. My favourite person is leaving, how can u expect me to chill? FYI i HATE ppl telling me to chill and relax when im angry(even though at the pt when i received the sms i was really not angry or worked up abt the matter). It's like u're alr angry and u're asking me not to be angry? i will be the opp of what u're asking me to do.

I know that jessica is not like gone gone, but her not being in SNSD is...gone...in a sense. From what i gather, she will be continuing solo activities as she is still a artist of SM but if the jungsis subunit was cancelled i wonder what activities will she even have. Then there's the issue of the other members. Is it true that they were the ones who initiated the call to ask jess to leave the grp? From me as a fan i do not believe this is true and want to believe this is not true. Their bond was what i loved abt them. It made me admire them for being able to stay so long together. I want to see them 9 together. Just now i went to hear "indestructible" like again and again...it's really sad when i hear jessica's voice inside. Then they had a fanmeet in shenzhen ystd too and jessica obviously cuze of the matter didnt attend. Some fans shouted jessica's name. I know the fans want an answer about the matter and they're devastated, so am i. And i probably wuld have the urge to do the same as them. But what abt how the other members are feeling? Many of the members cried during the event but no qns abt jessica were raised. I think even if they were raised they wuldnt be answered due to the company.

Actually, i dont get the cause of all these problems. Again from what i gather from reading articles and following what happened, it was because of BLANC and jessica's plans of studying designing
Then there's also the qn of is she getting married or not? The news have reported and seemed to even have confirmed(?) that jess and tyler kwon are getting married. But he just posted on weibo saying that they arent getting married so literally what the fuck is going on. And all his cryptic msgs arent helping at all. Some ppl think jessica is at fault for considering that she culd have juggled her business and SNSD and sch(?) at the same time, and that she was being delusional abt being able to do all 3. Others blame her for her statement that she made which included blaming the other members for initiating to kick her out. I honestly, do not know what is going on, what is true and what is made up, which are just for show. I want the truth. But what if the truth hurts? What if what jessica said is true and her members wanted her out due to the business affecting her role as a member. All i hope now, is that they forgive and continue being friends forever and with the slight chance of her being back in SNSD. But then again, even if she does go back, the name of SNSD...will never be the same.

I knew this day would come sooner or later but i didnt think it would this soon esp when they renewed their contracts and i didnt think it would be this way where a member leaves. I was expecting them to leave together as a grp. JESSICA JUNG SOOYEON i know that you will never see this and u probably dont even know i exist but as a fan who loves u, truly(even if other ppl may think im mad saying so), i really want you to be happy and not have an regrets. If this is your dream, go forward and pursue it, but also i want you to consider what you're giving up at the same time. Is it worth it? If it is, to you, then you have my blessings. I will always be your fan and a sone and i'll be here for SNSD.

I'm thankful i met these 9 girls in real life and managed to see their awe and beauty personally up front. i really really feel sorry for the fans that didnt get a chance to meet these wonderful ppl in real life.

2014 is a really really bad year. And here's back to mugging for econs.

by the breadmonster:D ~i'd catch a grenade for'ya~ f(x)에프엑스. SNSD소녀시대. OT9. Powerof9. Ice Princess Jessica 얼음공주 제시카 – eoleum gongju Jessica. Sica yeolshin nim. P!nk. Ellen degeneres. CCHMSTT. 4HM. TJC. 26/12.