Recently ive been feeling sad all of a sudden without any reason. It juz feels like my soul isnt arnd and it juz feels empty. It was quite bad on the night tht my parents left for taiwan and i juz started crying in the car but i didnt even know why....yea and tht made me wanna drink abit so i drank one cup. And after tht i had diarrhea. Dunno whether is cuze of the vodka or what. Anyway, ive decided to finally go to henderson waves on thurs. ive always wanted to go there. It looks very quiet and juz chill and watch the sun set and let time pass u while u stop and look around u in tht moment. There are still so many issues personally that i haf and haf not solved. 

Not many ppl haf seen the sad me. Everyone has seen diff sides of me. But i dont think 1 single person has seen all sides of me. The sad me was probably around the most in sec sch...and its making a comeback now...not like i wasnt sad in jc juz tht i think i felt more sad in sec sch and uni. I dun think i was sad in pri sch. So young think abt what sia. 

I think because of the past i now dont rly want to trust? Or like hope. I always leap into a dark deep hole hoping that i will reach somewhere good but tht always doesnt come. So i guess now its like im being wary of being too close to anyone? I'll suddenly one day feel like im too close to someone and back away i guess. And i'll remind myself to not get too involved and tht it always ends in my being abandoned eventually? I dont know...maybe because i have quite high expectation for my friendships? So now im scared of the future